she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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