If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize