You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
