it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
