ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
