remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
