My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
