How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
