You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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