That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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