u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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