i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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