I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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