Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
