I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
