By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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