i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
