god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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