Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
