i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
