Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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