Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
