How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize