Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
