Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
