'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My dick has a subreddit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
