wat bout pragnant strippers??
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize