He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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