I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
bring money and cleavage
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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