I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
