Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
