Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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