singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
