I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
