I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
