Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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