yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize