well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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