it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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