next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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