The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
