omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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