Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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