Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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