i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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