I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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