you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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