My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
