hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
