whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
