never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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