so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
