so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
