Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
