this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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