i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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