I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
