He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
