Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
