They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
