considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This house was built for laser tag.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
