i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
