This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize