I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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