I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
