But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
