my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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