We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
