I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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