Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
