Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
