toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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