new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
