Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
