my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
