My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
