Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
