Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
