hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
